i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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