It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So many bounce houses so little time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
