One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
