I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
