I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
