Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
