I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
