Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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