guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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