She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
