She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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