dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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