Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
