Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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