he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
