I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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