I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
