She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
