This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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