hotel room ftw
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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