John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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