my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
