So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
