This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
