i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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