love makes seman taste better
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
