my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can I color on your dick again?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
