I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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