guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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