My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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