Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
