you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
