P.S. I can't hear my feet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
