im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
