Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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