If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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