Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
