Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
