There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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