THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
