Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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