I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
