Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
