if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
