Yo dont text me then not text me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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