Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
