Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
