She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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