I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
