After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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