Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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