You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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