I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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