Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
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I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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