Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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