we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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