I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
How's work?
Spinning.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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