i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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