I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was CRYING into my vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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