how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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