She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There r osticjed everywhere
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
