so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
