Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
