Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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