what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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