Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
